Understanding Relationship Patterns: Where It Starts...

When we’re born, we know love. We are made from it. Yet, we don’t know how to do love.

That’s where our parents come in. They teach us not with words, but with actions.

“Dad loves Mom. Mom loves Dad. Dad drinks.”

The subconscious interprets this:

“Drinking must be part of love.”

As infants and toddlers, we aren’t logical. We’re absorbent. Especially in those first seven years, we lack critical filters. We don’t judge, analyze, or question our experiences; we simply download them.

Love, then, becomes whatever we saw, rather than what we needed. This is how the programming begins.

Because love is core to our identity, our subconscious will spend our lives trying to validate that original definition, even if it hurts.

The Impact of Early Lessons

In adulthood, when relationships become difficult, you might say:

“I don’t want a drunk.”

However, deep down, your subconscious may insist:

“If you love me, you’ll drink. Because my dad loved my mom, and he drank. If you don't drink, you don't really love me!”

This illustrates the pattern we've learned. It arises not from brokenness, but because our inner compass was programmed to point toward familiarity, not health.

The Root Truth

This repetition reveals why we often face similar relationship issues. We believe our partner is the problem, so we end the relationship.

Yet, that’s just plucking fruit from the tree. The pattern doesn’t disappear because the programming doesn’t change.

“The axe is laid at the root.”

This phrase emphasizes that it is not enough to simply cut the root; we must also see it.

Recognizing the root of our attachment helps us cultivate freedom. It's crucial to understand that the answer lies in the root that chose them, and in the need to heal our relationship patterns.

Recognizing the Patterns

The patterns we experience often reflect our upbringing and the lessons we learned in childhood. For example, if love was intertwined with chaos and instability, we might unconsciously seek out partners who bring similar dynamics into our lives.

Understanding this is vital for growth. By recognizing these learned behaviors, we can begin to detach our self-worth from toxic relationships.

It’s important to approach this with compassion. We did not choose these patterns consciously. Instead, they were formed organically from our early interactions.

What Do You Do Now?

Once you've glimpsed the fruits of these patterns, it's time for the hard work most people never undertake:

You dig. You tend. You replant.

This journey is not about fixing yourself. It’s about seeing yourself — clearly, compassionately, and courageously.

Have you noticed a tendency to attract the same pain wrapped in a different package?

If so, consider that you don't need a guru; you need a mirror.

It may help to have someone walk with you through the weeds and guide you into clarity.

Building a Healthier Future

Repairing emotional wounds and transforming our relationship patterns takes time. This is not a quick fix but a meaningful journey.

The rewarding part? You can cultivate healthier relationships and choose partners who reflect the love you truly need.

Implementing this change might start with small steps. Begin by journaling about your feelings and experiences. Reflect on patterns from past relationships. Ask yourself what you’ve learned about love and how that influences your current choices.

📆 Want to Talk Through It?

If you're interested in exploring these themes more deeply, I offer free 1:1 Discovery Calls — no pressure, just a genuine conversation.

During our time together, we’ll get honest about your patterns, peek underneath the pain, and evaluate if working together would be the right fit.

Because the root won’t cut itself. But you don’t have to face it alone.

👉 Click here to book your free call

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This complete approach will bring clarity to your relationship experiences and empower you to make healthier choices moving forward.