Love Wound #3: Control – A Relationship Coach’s Guide to Healing Subconscious Patterns

What relationships look like........

Where It Starts....

When we’re born, we know love.

We’re made from it.

But we don’t know how to do love.

That’s what Mom and Dad teach us — not with words, but with actions.

“Dad loves Mom. Mom loves Dad. Dad drinks.”

So the subconscious says:

“Drinking must be part of love.”

We aren’t logical — we’re absorbent. Especially in the first 7 years, we don’t have critical filters. We don’t judge, analyze, or question — we just download.

So love becomes whatever we saw, not what we needed.

That’s how the programming begins.

And because love is core to who we are, our subconscious will spend the rest of our life trying to validate that original definition.

Even if it hurts.

So now?

You say:

“I don’t want a drunk.”

But deep down, your subconscious says:

“If you love me, you’ll drink.

Because my dad loved my mom, and he drank.

And if you don't drink, you don't really love me!

And that’s the pattern.

Not because you’re broken.

But because your inner compass was programmed to point toward familiarity, not health.

The Root Truth

This is why we keep repeating ourselves.

We think the partner is the problem — so we get rid of the partner.

But that’s just plucking fruit.

The pattern doesn’t stop… because the programming doesn’t change.

“The axe is laid at the root.”

It doesn’t say the root is cut.

It says the root is seen.

And that’s the beginning of freedom.

Not in changing the partner…

But in finally recognizing the root that chose them.

and healing relationship patterns.

So What Do You Do Now?

You’ve seen the fruit.

You’ve caught a glimpse of the root.

Now comes the work that most people never do:

You dig. You tend. You replant.

This isn’t about fixing yourself.

It’s about finally seeing yourself — clearly, compassionately, and courageously.

And if you’re tired of attracting the same pain wrapped in a different package?

You don’t need a guru.

You need a mirror.

You need someone to walk with you through the weeds and into clarity.

📆 Want to Talk Through It?

I offer free 1:1 Discovery Calls — zero pressure, just real conversation.

We’ll get honest about the patterns, peek underneath the pain, and see if working together would be the right fit.

Because the root won’t cut itself. But you don’t have to face it alone.

👉 Click here to book your free call